Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
how does that bad decision feel?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
