The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
