Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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