It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
