you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
