I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
