Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
