so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
