Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
