Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
