i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
