So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My ass is underappreciated
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
