You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
