i think my tv is drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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