Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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