dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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