So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm like, not good at living.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
