I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
