she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina is very pro this idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
