So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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