Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
