Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
