I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
