Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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