Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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