You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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