TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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