hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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