i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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