I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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