i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
