I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You ruined the universe
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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