1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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