I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
