so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
