i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
