Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have aggressive nipples.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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