just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
