we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
