Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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