I looked at my own cervix.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
