Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
