we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
