well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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