You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
