as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The Olympian is in my bed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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