do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
