he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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