i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
