I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
