oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want her autograph on my taint
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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