Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
