UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
