she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
